I've heard the countless stories, I've seen the countless pictures but it wasn't until my feet hit the ground that I understood. Family and friends said "you're only there for a short period of time but it'll be part of your heart for a lifetime." Every step I took, every hand I shook, every meal I shared, every prayer I had, I understood. Tanzania, Africa grabbed my heart and I'm writing this to tell you how tight it's still holding on...a year later.
It's June of 2020, little over a year since my feet touched the grounds of Tanzania, Africa. Since my first missions trip halfway across the world, a lot has occurred. For example:
I graduated high school.
I attended my last year as a student at Lake Geneva Christian Center.
I announced I'm writing a book about Lake Geneva Christian Center.
I began my first year of college at North Central University.
I finished my first year of college at home.
I fell in love with myself more.
Coronavirus happened.
Oh, and Africa changed my life.
The missions trip took place the last week in March of 2019 and during the entire trip, God was quietly convicting me. Silently, He poked and He prodded at my heart. He tested me by tugging at the strings of my heart, and He tugged HARD. God grabbed hold of the strings that I held too tight onto and with time, (after the trip), I trusted Him and let go. He opened my eyes to see what I've never seen before, in Africa and in my life. I cried for the people of Africa and I cried for myself.
GOD REVEALED ALL OF THE ABOVE BUT IT HAPPENED AFTER THE TRIP.
When my feet hit the ground of Minnesota again, I was full of emotions and one of them was frustration. I had heard the stories from friends who had gone on different missions trips but I began hearing them from my friends who I traveled with. The stories of the "life-changing encounter with God" you apparently can have happen while on a missions trip. I, so I thought, didn't have this encounter. I was frustrated but little did I know God was working silently on the sidelines and He soon would reveal how much He'd change my life from this trip. But, since I wasn't aware yet, I went home and trusted what my pastor told me, "give it a couple weeks to sink in."
And so, I took his advice but after a couple weeks of intense jet lag and bringing home E. Coli, the frustration still lingered. My heart ached heavily for Tanzania, yes but I was left asking, "God, why did you bring me there?" I went through photos and replayed all the moments I had; I thought about the friendships that were created and grown tremendously while there; I remembered the pastors and churches, the lives changed by God and clean water. And yet, I kept asking, "God, why did you bring me to Tanzania?"
THEN IT HAPPENED.
I can't tell you the exact day but my priorities began to change. One day I came home from school, most likely late April and went right to my bedroom. I had begun to clean out my room so it would be easier to pack and move to college but something hit me. I looked around and disgust filled my body, I still had so much stuff. Yes I was cleaning and organizing but I wasn't getting rid of anything. I liked holding onto things but in that moment, while looking around my room, something changed. I didn't want it anymore. I didn't want anything that wasn't a necessity or a dearly loved memorabilia, so the fun began. I reorganized, decluttered, threw things out, began recycling, and taking many trips to Goodwill. When I finished my room, the frustration I brought home from Africa began to disappear.
Within a couple days, other rooms in my house filled me with disgust so I did the same. I reorganized, decluttered, threw things out, recycled, and took trips to Goodwill. I went room by room, spending countless hours cleaning and giving away. I remember sitting in the kitchen with my dad saying, "We have so much stuff just laying around; rooms and closets of clutter untouched for years. It's time to throw or give things away. We should be content with what we actually use AND be content getting rid of things we don't use anymore."
I became a clean freak and a penny pincher. I appreciated what I had and if I didn't need it, I wouldn't buy it. I would drag my parents to certain items around the house and ask, "Do we really need this anymore?" After a few hundred times asking them that question, they became less hesitant in keeping whatever it was. My parents watched my new mindset go around and around the house. They witnessed the affect of Tanzania and how it became more and more obvious.
THE TRUE WAR CAME AND WENT.
My inner voice screamed inside every time my mom would come home with bags of stuff she had bought after work. She would come home with necessary things, yes but I would question the need for anything else she'd unpack from the plastic bags. "Seriously?" "Are we going to ever use that?" "Why?" "Faith doesn't need another toy." "I don't care if it was on clearance!" "I didn't ask for that." These questions and more would replay in my head but eventually became vocal towards my mom. I would tell her over and over again, "Stop spending money! We have enough stuff already." These would lead to fights and disagreements. It became to difficult to go shopping with her or in general. She'd want Starbucks and ask me if I wanted anything...nope, don't need it. How about this shirt? Nope, don't need it. How about--nope, I don't need it.
Then June 20th, 2019 came. My family and some friends from church had the opportunity to attend the Hillsong United concert. (Such a good concert by the way!) I brought my wallet with the intent to buy a t shirt. My family and I walked around to find a table of merchandise. After we found one, we all made our decision on what we wanted. My family made their purchases before I made mine. I found a t shirt I liked, asked for the size, and made the purchase. I took out my wallet and grabbed the amount of cash I needed ($30). I handed it to the girl at the table but as she grabbed it, my stomach wrenched. I couldn't handle the purchase. Was this purchase an actual need?...No it's not. With this feeling, I grabbed my t shirt and enjoyed the rest of the concert.
I week or so after the concert, I made a phone call to my youth pastor I traveled to Tanzania with. I told him my dilemma and how I couldn't handle buying a simple t shirt at a concert. Even after his advice, it still didn't hit me that God had worked in me while in Tanzania. "It's culture shock. You've seen how people live there and it opens your eyes. You have to remember their way of living is not our way of living. You have to find a new comfort of that again." It was true. They appreciated what they had and so I began doing the same. I thanked him and ended the phone call. It took time but I found that new comfort.
THEN IT HIT.
By July I was still having a mental war of spending money and of all the clutter around the house. I didn't understand why I felt this way. It wasn't until my dad spoke up. "Grace, don't you see? Ever since you came home from Africa, God flipped a switch. You're priorities have changed completely." MIC DROP. My stomach churned, he was right. I didn't see people of Tanzania in poverty, I saw people of Tanzania who lacked material items, yet they were happy. They didn't have the huge house, yet they were happy. They didn't have the newest pair of shoes, yet they were happy. They didn't have pews to sit in at church, and yet they worshipped the Lord proudly. They are thankful for what they have and God revealed that to me. This was their life and they were happy.
I came home from an environment of Tanzanians who were happy with what they had, to an environment of Americans who weren't happy with what they had. I went back to school hearing,
"This school is trash." In my head I would say, "No it's not."
"I need the new iPhone, mine is out of style" -- "No you don't, it works."
"I spilt coffee on my shoes so I need a new pair." -- "No you don't, wash them."
"This food is terrible. *throws it all away*" -- "What a waste."
"I don't have anything to wear." -- "You have a full wardrobe."
The list goes on and on. Back home, I witnessed how unappreciated people were with what they had. It made my heart ache. Before Tanzania, I was in the same place but now I appreciated every little thing in my life; the simplest things. I became content, very content with what I had. I stopped asking for things, I stopped wasting food, I stopped hoarding onto things I no longer used. God brought me to Tanzania to open my eyes and focus on the real priorities of life.
FAST FORWARD.
It's almost July of 2020 and God is still convicting me. When I began my college career at North Central University this past fall, God threw even more convicting curveballs. All of them connecting back to where it started; Tanzania. God opened my eyes there so I could see the real priorities of life back home, and soon a ripple effect followed. I began analyzing my life, piece by piece. I started looking at myself and recognizing what priorities I held high and then looked around at the relationships around me. Then God revealed where I stood as a priority in relationships around me. It became clear, very clear. By the end of fall semester, my heart was disappointed and damaged. If you know me well, I've struggled with anxiety and I battled it like never before. With what I went through, I saw which relationships held me as a high priority in there life. Even though I was hurting, God was moving.
Since Tanzania, God has revealed to be content with what I have and to see where I stand as a priority in the relationships around me. Africa, I hear you. I should appreciate what I've been given. I should be treated as a high priority in the relationships around me because I'm the daughter of the King. What I have is to be handled delicately and I should be handled delicately.
While visiting a church on the island of Zanzibar, I found this sandal (above) with the word LIFE on it. The word, red and worn, grabbed my attention. The people of this island and of Tanzania, this is their life and they're content. When the gift of clean water was provided they received it thankfully. American life may be different but this shoe has taught me to be content and receive with thankfulness. The word life on the sandal, once red but is now faded will still say life even when the red completely fades. My priorities of life will stay the same even as the red coat of paint is scratched and worn out. Once the paint is fully faded, my priorities of life will stand boldly. Valleys of life may "scratch off our red paint" but it can't change the boldness of our priorities.